In times of grief, we sometimes utter words we don’t mean. The truth is that the pain can be so overwhelming that our judgment is clouded.
What one single black father living in a ghetto shared on Reddit made many feel both emotional and worried.
The 22-year-old user started his post by speaking of his late wife who was his high-school sweetheart. The day he married her was the happiest day of his life.
“I loved her more than anything. In our second year of college, she ended up getting pregnant. As a sidenote, her parents and my parents are horrendous, abusive and overbearing. We struggled to cut off contact (I went full after my wife passed away) and when she got pregnant, her parents threatened to cut off all financial support if she aborted.”
After giving it a lot of thought, she decided to keep the baby and her pregnancy was a tough one. Unfortunately, she died while giving birth to her child, a healthy baby boy.
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The father went home with his son. “I was all by myself. I had a kid, no support from family (I do have two little brothers but they’re eight and eleven), no support from my in-laws (as far as I’m concerned, they killed my wife), and all my friends being poor 20somethings working minimum wage jobs. I originally planned to go to med school and that’s where most of my friends are now,” he wrote in his post.
He went on and described his first year of fatherhood as hell. He had no idea how to raise a baby and was left all by himself. His late wife’s parents didn’t want to have anything with him and most of his friends were still in college working for minimum wages.
“I had no idea how to raise a child. I worked two jobs and my son was bounced around with my friends, who rotated looking after him while I was working. I worked 12am-8am overnight where I’d leave him with my best friend. Thankfully he was not a fussy baby and slept through most of the night. At eight o’clock, coming home from work, I’d swing by and pick him up and then spend time with him, probably end up falling asleep in chunks with him waking me up screaming, then I’d be off to work again at 3pm-9pm where I worked part-time at a drugstore. I’d call up whichever friend was available and struggle to find someone to keep him. Sometimes I wouldn’t be able to and I’d have to call sick for work. Typically I’d sleep through both my lunch breaks for either job.”
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And then, he wrote how he just hated the baby. “He’s sleeping next to me in his cradle and looking at his squishy little face I just… I hate him. I hate this stupid f**king kid. Well, not entirely. When he snuggles next to me the few hours I have off, I get a rush of affection for him. But most of the time, I hate him.”
On the little one’s first birthday, there was no cake and no party. Instead, this man spent the day crying and thinking of his wife. “This isn’t his birthday, this is the day my wife died. If she had been here right now, then I wouldn’t be all by myself with a one year old. Who I literally hate more than anything in the world.”
A lot of people tried to console him, telling him things were going to be better for him and his boy.
“First off, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your son is absolutely blameless. Your wife would want you to love him and even more so because she can’t. Please seek counseling. Journal your feelings,” one user wrote.
“Think about how you felt when your parents were abusive. You didn’t deserve it and neither would your baby,” another added.
“Your son is a bit part of your wife and really one of the few things left of her. I can’t even imagine what you went through…” commented another user. “Remember he is very much your wife and I’m sure she’d be proud of you for trying to get the best father you can be to your son.”
There were also those who advised him to seek professional help and go to therapy, but everyone somehow knew that deep down he was a good father who was simply unable to cope with his loss.
In the comments section, the father later wrote: “I don’t hate him. I love this tiny man more than anything. I’m just overworked and underslept.”
We truly hope he will be able to overcome his grief and will find strength to move on with his life with his boy by his side.