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As an adult, I decided to impart this brilliant method to my baby girl. I figured she could use it to get out of sleepovers or if she had awkward hangouts. But I never imagined her needing to use it so soon.
So yesterday was like any other day—or so I thought. As I sat in my kitchen, finishing my evening coffee, my phone rang. It was my ex-husband, Dave. Our relationship, once filled with warmth and affection, had grown strained over the years.
Divorce had a way of doing that, and while we tried to maintain a civil relationship for the sake of our daughter, Amy, things were often tense. “Hey, Claire,” Dave’s voice came through, slightly hesitant. “Amy wants to talk to you. She’s been asking to tell you about her day since she got here.”
This caught me off guard. Amy usually enjoyed her sleepover weekends with her dad and rarely called me during those visits. “Oh, sure, put her on,” I replied, trying to keep my voice steady. The fact that Dave sounded a bit off only added to the unease that was beginning to settle in my stomach.
“Hi, Mom!” Amy’s voice was as cheerful as ever, but there was something in the way she spoke that I couldn’t quite place. This was unusual for her, so I perked up and listened intently.
“Hey, sweetie! How’s your weekend going? Have you been having fun?” I asked, hoping to keep the conversation light.
“Yeah, it’s been good. We went to the park yesterday, and I drew some pictures this morning. I drew a dog, a tree, and… I wish I had a blue marker so I could draw blueberries.”
The words hit me like a ton of bricks! There it was: our code word. My heart skipped a beat, and for a moment, I couldn’t find my voice. Among her childish chatter, Amy had dropped in our “password.”
When my daughter was younger, I taught her the importance of having a secret word. It was something she could use if she ever felt unsafe but couldn’t voice it outright.
“Blueberries” was our word, but I never imagined she would use it.
I swallowed hard and forced myself to stay calm because the word meant “get me out of here immediately.” “That sounds great, honey. I’m on my way to come get you. Please don’t say anything to your father. I’ll talk to him when I get there.”
“Did you have anything else you wanted to tell me?”
“No, that’s it,” she replied, her tone still sweet but carrying an undertone of something else; fear? Uncertainty? I couldn’t be sure, but I knew one thing: I had to get her out of there.
“I’ll see you soon, okay?” I said as nonchalantly as possible.
“Okay, Mom. Love you.”
“Love you too, my Amy Wamy.”
I heard her giggle as I hung up the phone, my hands trembling. My mind raced as I tried to figure out what could have happened. Dave had never given me any reason to doubt his ability to care for our daughter, but something was wrong.
I grabbed my keys, my mind made up. I had to go to my ex’s place and get Amy.
When I finally arrived, I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. To my surprise, Dave answered almost immediately, as if he had been waiting right behind it. He wore an anxious expression, his shoulders tense. “Claire? This is unexpected,” he said, stepping aside to let me in.
I forced a polite smile. “I decided to pick Amy up a little early,” I said casually, though my heart was pounding. “Where is she?”
“She’s in the living room, drawing,” he replied. His voice was tight. He hesitated, then said, “She told me you’d be coming.”
My pulse quickened. Amy had promised not to say anything. “Oh? Did she mention why?” I asked, trying to mask my concern.
He ran a hand through his hair. “Not exactly. She just seemed…distant. I figured maybe something happened at school, or maybe she’s missing home?”
I could sense his confusion, and part of me felt a pinch of guilt. We had never faced a situation like this before. Maybe Dave had no idea what was going on. Or maybe he did, and was feigning ignorance. I hoped it was the former.
Walking into the living room, I found Amy seated on the couch, scribbling furiously onto a piece of construction paper. She looked up at me with wide eyes, relief evident in her gaze. “Mom!” she exclaimed, jumping up to hug me.
I hugged her back, grateful to feel her small arms around my waist. “Hey, baby,” I said quietly, keeping my voice gentle. “Is everything okay?”
Amy glanced at Dave, then looked down at her drawing. “Dad’s been on edge,” she whispered quickly, and then out loud, she said, “I’m ready to go home.”
Dave’s eyebrows knit together. “On edge? I’m sorry if I seemed stressed, Amy. Work’s just been crazy,” he explained, his voice carrying a touch of defensiveness. “But I wouldn’t ever hurt you.”
I believed him—at least about that part. Dave didn’t strike me as the type to harm our daughter. But there was clearly something making Amy uncomfortable. As her mother, my first priority was to get her somewhere she felt safe.
I turned to Dave and said, “Thanks for letting me pick her up. I’ll call you later to talk.” My words were polite, but firm, signaling that I didn’t want a discussion right then.
He looked torn between wanting to protest and not wanting to escalate the situation in front of Amy. “All right,” he finally said, letting out a resigned sigh. “Can I at least say goodbye?”
Amy nodded, walked over, and let her father give her a short embrace. After that, she grabbed her overnight bag, and we headed out the door.
The moment we got in the car, Amy burst into tears. My heart nearly shattered. “Sweetie, what’s wrong? Did something happen with your dad?” I asked, sliding into the driver’s seat and turning to face her.
She sniffled, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. “I—he wasn’t like how he usually is. He got really angry on the phone with someone earlier. He was yelling, and then he slammed the door so hard, I got scared. I’d never seen him that mad before.”
I reached back to stroke her hair. “You did the right thing by letting me know you were uncomfortable. I’m proud of you.”
Amy nodded. “I didn’t know if Dad would be mad at me for calling you, so I used the code word. I didn’t want to say I was scared out loud.”
It all made sense now. Dave had probably been yelling at a coworker or a friend. He might have been letting off steam. But from a nine-year-old’s perspective, a parent screaming and slamming doors would be terrifying.
“Thank you for telling me,” I said softly. “You remember what we talked about when you were little? It’s always okay to come to me if you feel uneasy or unsafe. You always have that right.”
She nodded again, her tears subsiding. “Mom, are you mad at Dad?”
My grip on the steering wheel tightened momentarily. “Not mad, exactly. I’m just worried. Your dad might be going through a tough time, but that doesn’t mean you should have to deal with that stress. I’ll talk to him later, see what’s going on, and we’ll figure things out together, okay?”
Amy let out a small sigh of relief. “Okay.”
That night, after tucking Amy into bed with an extra-long hug, I went into the kitchen to make myself some tea. My phone buzzed just as I reached for the kettle, and sure enough, it was Dave calling. Part of me braced for an argument, but something in his tone when I picked up told me he was more remorseful than angry.
“Claire,” he began, “I’m really sorry about earlier. I’ve been dealing with some issues at work—a contract negotiation that’s going south. My boss has been on my case nonstop. I know that’s no excuse, but I lost my temper, and Amy overheard the worst of it.”
I exhaled slowly, letting go of some of the tension I’d been carrying. “I understand stress, Dave, but you have to remember that she’s only nine. Her feelings of safety come first. If she felt scared enough to call me using our code word, it means she really thought she was in trouble.”
He was silent for a beat. Then his voice softened. “Code word?”
“Yeah. Something I taught her in case she ever felt unsafe but couldn’t say it outright.” I paused. “I want you to know I trust you to care for her, but I also trust her to know when she’s not comfortable.”
Dave sighed. “I get it. I’m not proud of how I acted. I’ll talk to her and apologize. I never meant to scare her. Or you.”
I felt my shoulders relax a bit. “Thank you for saying that. I think we all need to communicate better. We might be divorced, but we’re still a family in the way that matters for Amy.”
I could almost hear him nodding in agreement on the other end. “Yeah. Thank you, Claire.”
We ended the call on a surprisingly calm note. Despite the roller coaster of emotions throughout the evening, I felt a sense of relief wash over me.
The next day, Dave came over earlier than planned. He asked if he could take Amy out for lunch to talk. I hesitated but decided to let Amy choose. After hearing what he had to say—and seeing that he seemed calmer—she agreed, wanting to clear the air.
When they returned, both looked relieved. Amy immediately ran to show me a small plush toy Dave had bought her. “He said he was sorry,” she explained, “and that he didn’t mean to yell like that. He told me grown-ups get stressed sometimes, but it’s not my fault.”
I knelt down to give her a hug. “That’s good, honey. I’m proud of you for speaking up when you felt scared.”
She smiled, hugging the plush toy close. “I’m just glad I have you and Dad looking out for me.”
Dave and I exchanged small smiles over her head. In that moment, I was reminded that even though our relationship had changed, we both still cared about one thing more than anything else: our daughter’s well-being.
That night, as I tucked Amy into bed again, she gave me an extra-sweet kiss on the cheek. “Mom,” she asked softly, “do you think we’ll still use the code word even when I’m older?”
I brushed the hair off her forehead, feeling a tug at my heart. “Oh, sweetheart, we can keep using it as long as you want. Or we can come up with a new one. The important thing is that you know you can always reach out. I’ll always be there.”
Amy smiled, closing her eyes. “I like ‘blueberries.’ It’s simple, and I’ll never forget.”
“Then ‘blueberries’ it is,” I said, kissing her forehead.
Standing by her bedroom door, I realized I felt a profound gratitude for that small piece of parenting advice my own mom had given me so many years ago. The code word might have started as something “just in case,” but it had proven its value in a real situation. It reminded me that our children’s sense of security is fragile, and we should never take it for granted.
Life Lesson: Sometimes, the simplest precautions can make the biggest difference. Teaching our kids to have a safe way to communicate—through a code word, a special look, or just honest conversation—can keep them protected and give them confidence. Even when relationships change and life feels complicated, we can still come together for the well-being of the ones who matter most.
In the end, I was glad Amy felt safe enough to reach out in her own way, and I was relieved that Dave and I could set aside our tensions long enough to comfort her. It may not have been a perfect resolution to every problem in our family, but it was a hopeful step in the right direction. We learned that even in difficult times, trust, communication, and love can guide us back toward each other.
I hope this story reminds you to trust your instincts and create open lines of communication with the people you care about. If you found this story meaningful, please share it with someone who might appreciate it—and don’t forget to like this post. By doing so, you help keep important messages like this alive and inspire others to stay connected, protected, and loved.
