Human Speech That Proves We Are Going Downhill Fast

We frequently hear accounts of people who claim that their trust in humanity has been restored. Given how rarely it occurs, it is good news when it does.

The short stories that follow, though, describe the times in which we live. They are tales that tend to undermine rather than strengthen our trust in humanity.

The following stories will definitely make you laugh. Not only are they absurd, but you’ve probably already witnessed it for yourself, therefore they might actually be true.

1: My husband and I went through the McDonald’s driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.

Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.

She said, ‘You gave me too much money.’

I said, ‘Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.’

She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said ‘We’re sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.’

The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the people at MacD’s.

2:

We had to have the garage door repaired.

The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the opener.

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, ‘You need a 1/4 horsepower.’

I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, ‘NOOO, it’s not. Four is larger than two.’

We haven’t used that repairman since…

3:

I live in a semi-rural area.

We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.

The reason: ‘Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.’

4:

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE.

My daughter went to a Mexican fast-food place and ordered a taco.

She asked the person behind the counter for ‘minimal lettuce.’

He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce

5:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,

‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’

To which I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’

He smiled knowingly and nodded, ‘That’s why we ask.’

6:

The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it’s safe to cross the street.

I was crossing with an ‘intellectually challenged’ co-worker of mine.

She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.

I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

Appalled, she responded, ‘What on earth are blind people doing driving?!’

She is a government employee…..

7:

When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.

We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.

As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

‘Hey,’ I announced to the technician, ‘it’s open!’

His reply was, ‘I know. I already did that side.’