This is a genuine letter sent to a man named Stephen Tvedten with respect to a lake on his property. It was sent by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This current person's reaction is clever, however, read the State's letter before you get to the reaction letter.
Province OF MICHIGAN
Answer to: GRAND RAPIDS DISTRICT OFFICE STATE OFFICE BUILDING 6TH FLOOR
350 OTTAWA NW GRAND RAPIDS MI 49503-2341
JOHN ENGLER, Governor
Branch OF ENVIRONMENTAL QUALITY
HOLLISTER BUILDING, PO BOX 30473, LANSING MI 48909-7973
RUSSELL J. HARDING, Director
Mr. Ryan DeVries 2088 Dagget Pierson, MI 49339
Dear Mr. DeVries:
SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023-1 T11N, R10W, Sec. 20, Mont quiet County
It has gone to the consideration of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been later unapproved movement on the above referenced package of property. You have been ensured as the legitimate landowner or potentially temporary worker who did the accompanying unapproved action:
Development and upkeep of two wood trash dams over the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A license must be issued preceding the beginning of this kind of action. A survey of the Department's documents demonstrates that no grants have been issued.
In this manner, the Department has discovered that this action is infringing upon Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being areas 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws commented on. The Department has been educated that one or both regarding the dams somewhat fizzled during an ongoing precipitation occasion, causing garbage dams and flooding at downstream areas. We find that dams of this nature are inalienably unsafe and can't be allowed. The Department in this way arranges you to stop and stop every unapproved action at this area, and to reestablish the stream to a free-stream condition by evacuating all wood and brush framing the dams from the strewn channel. All rebuilding work will be finished no later than January 31. It would be ideal if you inform this office when the reclamation has been finished so that a subsequent site examination might be booked by our staff. Inability to conform to this solicitation, or any further unapproved movement on the site, may result for this situation being alluded for raised requirement activity. We envision and would value your full participation in this issue.
If it's not too much trouble don't hesitate to get in touch with me at this office in the event that you have any inquiries.
David L. Cost
Region Representative Land and Water Management Division
Here is the real reaction sent back by Mr. Tvedten:
Dear Mr. Cost:
Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N, R10W, Sec 20; Mont quiet County
Your affirmed letter has been given to me to react to. You conveyed a lot of duplicates to many individuals, however, you fail to incorporate their addresses. You will, in this way, need to send them a duplicate of my reaction.
As a matter of first importance, Mr. Ryan DeVries isn't the lawful landowner as well as contractual worker at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan — I am the legitimate proprietor and a few beavers are in the (State unapproved) procedure of building and keeping up two wood “flotsam and jetsam” dams over the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I didn't pay for, nor approve, their dam venture, I figure they would be profoundly outraged you call their skillful utilization of characteristic structure materials “flotsam and jetsam.” I might want to move you to endeavor to copy their dam venture any dam time and additionally any dam place you pick. I trust I can securely state there is no dam way you would ever coordinate their dam abilities, their dam genius, their dam inventiveness, their dam tirelessness, their dam assurance and additionally their dam hard-working attitude.
As to your dam demand the beavers initially should round out a dam license preceding the beginning of this sort of dam movement, my first dam question to you is: would you say you are attempting to victimize my Spring Pond Beavers or do you require all dam beavers all through this State to fit in with said dam demand? On the off chance that you are not oppressing these specific beavers, if it's not too much trouble send me finished duplicates of each one of those other pertinent beaver dam grants. Maybe we will check whether there truly is a dam infringement of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being areas 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws explained.
My first concern is — aren't the dam beavers qualified for dam legitimate portrayal? The Spring Pond Beavers are monetarily down and out and are unfit to pay for said dam portrayal — so the State should furnish them with a dam legal advisor. The Department's dam worries that it is possible that either of the dams fizzled during an ongoing precipitation occasion causing dam flooding is confirmation we should leave the dam Spring Pond Beavers alone as opposed to pestering them and calling them dam names. In the event that you need the dam stream “reestablished” to a dam free-stream condition — contact the dam beavers — however on the off chance that you are going to capture them (they clearly did not give any dam consideration to your dam letter-being unfit to peruse English) — make certain you read them their dam Miranda rights first.
Concerning me, I am not going to cause more dam flooding or dam garbage sticks by meddling with these dam manufacturers. In the event that you need to hurt these dam beavers — know I am sending a duplicate of your dam letter and this reaction to PETA. In the event that your dam Department truly discovers all dams of this nature inalienably perilous and really won't allow their reality in this dam State — I genuinely trust you are not specifically upholding this dam arrangement, or indeed both I and the Spring Pond Beavers will shout partiality!
As I would see it, the Spring Pond Beavers reserve an option to manufacture their dam unapproved dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green, and water streams downstream. They have more dam directly than I to live and appreciate Spring Pond. In this way, to the extent I and the beavers are concerned, this dam case can allude for more dam raised authorization activity now. Why hold up until January 31? The Spring Pond Beavers might be under the dam ice at that point, and there will be no dam route for you or your dam staff to contact/badger them at that point. Taking everything into account, I might want to draw out into the open a genuine ecological quality (wellbeing) issue: bears are really popping in our woods. I certainly trust you ought to mistreat the crapping bears and disregard the dam beavers. On the off chance that you will examine the beaver dam, tread carefully! (The bears are not cautious where they dump!) Being unfit to consent to your dam demand, and being unfit to get in touch with you on your dam replying mail, I am sending this reaction to your dam office.
Stephen L. Tvedten