ABC Begs Roseanne to Come Back and Save The Conners: “We’ll Pay You Whatever You Want”

Ever since ABC cut ties with Roseanne Barr, the network has tried desperately to profit from her brand. Soon after they severed her contract, and her income, they announced the arrival of “The Conners,” a show about life in the family after the death of its matriarch.

Now, six years later, the network is begging Roseanne to come back and save their flailing show. “We’ll pay her whatever she wants,” said ABC Executive Director Joe Barron, “It’s time we faced the facts: We were wrong.”

“They killed me off and expected America to be okay with it,” Roseanne told us in an exclusive interview, “Then they spent six years throwing money out the window trying to force my family down the people’s throat.”

Roseanne told us she plans to let the show die. “It’s not my fault they can’t do their jobs,” she said, “Maybe they should have apologized back then.”

ALLOD Entertainment Correspondulator Tara Newhole followed up with Roseanne to see if she had settled on a number. “She had no idea what I was talking about,” said Newhole, “Apparently, you interviewed a parody account on Twitter.” Tara refuses to refer to Elon Musk as a “human being” or Twitter as “X.”

“@Roseanne4112 is a real jerk for pretending to be me,” said another Roseanne, who may or may not be the real person, “There’s a link in my profile to some great investing advice. Crypto is the future!”

If you believe that, Patriots, I have a deck of Trump NFTs to sell you. Dirt cheap. God Bless America.